I cannot tell you how many times I’ve written to the introduction to this blog post and then scrapped it, not quite sure how to say what I want to. I’ve tried to be witty, tried to explain why I’m writing this post in few and in many words. Clearly, none of these worked out which is why I’m sat here, feeling like I’m breaking the theatrical fourth wall to telling you that I honestly don’t know where to start. One thing I do know is that this post is going to be a long one, so get yourself a cuppa and a digestive, and please stick with it.
For me, confidence has been something that has negatively impacted my life since I started high school (terribly cliché, I know) but now that I’m finally starting to do something about it, I’ve decided to share my experience with you and blog about it. Naturally.
I’d probably say that the first time I realised I wasn’t as confident as I made out to be was at one of my first high school parents evenings. All of the teachers complemented my work ethic and results (#nerd) but all of them also remarked something along the lines of “you just need to believe in yourself a bit more, and be more Confident”… When the first teacher said it, I was a bit taken aback. By the time we reached the last teacher, I had to laugh.
Maybe it was because people had actually said it out loud, but after that I began to worry about what everyone thought of me. I still tried (and managed, to some extent) to maintain this confident façade but inside my own head everything worried me. How I looked, how I spoke. I was living in this constant fear of being judged.
This went on for years, up until about December last year. I had been secretly blogging for a couple of months (only a select few people knew) when somebody exposed me and I was forced into answering all sorts of questions about my blog that I had been avoiding. It was horrific, and I contemplated quitting.
But as you all know, I didn’t quit. Blogging was my thing, something that I really loved doing, and I wasn’t prepared to give it up because I was afraid that people I knew would find out about it, and judge it and hate it. Because at the end of the day, I realised that I didn’t care about the opinions of those people. I cared more about how happy blogging made (and still makes) me.
Since adopting this attitude, my confidence has come on leaps and bounds. Don’t get me wrong, I still worry about everything! But when I find myself worrying I like to take a step back and remember how far I’ve come and how much I love this crazy blog thing I do. It’s opened up so many opportunities for me and I’ve made so many FAB friends in the blogging community that I wouldn’t change it for the world!
And yes, I have lost friends along the way, people who didn’t support me for doing something that I love but I’ve come to realise that that’s okay with me.
True friends don’t feel the need to belittle you and spread their negative vibes your way, and once you remove that negativity from your life it will make such a difference to how you perceive yourself.
Snapchat has also helped me become more confident, as crazy as that sounds! If you’ve followed me on snap from the beginning, you’ll know that I never used to speak on camera because I hate the sound of my voice. But I’m quite a chatty person and not speaking was holding me back, so I changed my approach. Instead of thinking “what if people hate the way I sound/ speak/ look when I talk” I chose the mindset of “If they don’t like me, they can unfollow”. But as it turns out I had nothing to worry about, as since I started talking I’ve been flooded with amazing comments about my snapchat. I’m so grateful for all of those comments.
I know that this has been a really rambling blog post but I guess the point of it was to share my experiences and to tell anyone suffering with confidence issues that you don’t have to let it hold you back! It’s okay to let people go if their negative vibes are weighing you down. It’s okay to stop caring what people think about the way you look and speak. As long as you’re happy, healthy and not doing anyone any harm, then it’s okay to put your happiness first and believe in yourself! But if you’re struggling with confidence, it’s also okay to talk to people about it; I can’t emphasise enough how helpful the blogging community has been.
It seems that I’ve come full circle, as this post has sat for hours without an ending! But all I really have to say is thank you so much for reading, and for being fab, and for making me feel fab.